Part 3 of a story - read parts one and two first.

And so Marcus dragged his friend to Starbucks for an explanation.

"You were arrested for burglary? What have you done this time?"

"Well, you see, I was very drunk, and I met this guy and we couldn't go back to his, and he said he knew somewhere we could go, so he took me to this building site, and there was an open door, and we went into this office building, and went up some stairs and down a corridor and turned left and right, and found an empty office, and we, you know, had sex.

"When we finished, we left together, but then I realised I'd forgotten my bag upstairs, so I went to find it, but I got lost and wandered up and down corridors, not recognising anything. And then I heard a security guard approaching and I panicked. I wondered if I should hide, but he saw me and demanded to know what I was doing there, and then he called the police.

"So the police arrived and they put me in, like, a cage, in a big van, and then they drove me to the police station. They said they were going to charge me with breaking-and-entering and burglary. They asked me what I was doing in the building, and I didn't know what to say. I stammered some story about going there with a friend and looking for my bag, but they didn't believe me. 'What were you really doing there?' So I told them. 'That's OK,' they said, 'sex is good, but why don't you stick to Old Compton Street next time?' Then they locked me in a cell.

"The police went back into the building, and they found my bag. As I was leaving the station, they emptied out its contents, and found a pint glass [look, I had been very drunk, OK?] and a bottle of poppers. 'What's this? Room odorizer?' 'Yes, it makes your room smell lovely!' 'I think I'll give this back to you - you might be a bit depressed later and you'll need this to cheer you up!'

"What a weird night - but it was a fantastic shag!"