Apparently real quotes from Sky TV's rugby man, Murray Mexted:
"You don't like to see hookers going down on players like that."
"He's looking for some meaningful penetration into the backline."
"Spencer's running across field calling out, come inside me, come inside me."
"I can tell you it's a magnificent sensation when the gap opens up like that and you just burst right through."
"I don't like this new law, because your first instinct when you see a man on the ground is to go down on him"
"Darryl Gibson has been quite magnificent coming inside Andrew Mehrtens, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of the same today."
"There's nothing that a tight forward likes more than a loosie right up his backside"
"Everybody knows that I have been pumping Martin Leslie for a couple of seasons now."
"It's hard sometimes when there's other men coming up your bottom."
"Give him a hole and he loves it!"
"I often fantasize about lineouts in my sleep."
"Easy to expose yourself on the openside when you haven't got your mate up your backside."