There are mysterious goings-on behind the scenes at London Underground. For all their efforts at keeping customers informed, you sometimes get the impression that the system is verging on chaos, careening out of control.

This morning, Jubilee Line passengers were informed: "Trains will not be stopping at Bond Street. I don't know the reason. As soon as I know, I'll inform you."

Five minutes later, we were told: "Trains will not be stopping at Bond Street. This is due to an incident on the platform." Ah, one of London Underground's best euphemisms - it's shorthand for a suicide. Some poor bugger who couldn't face another Monday at work.

Then came the announcement: "Trains will not be stopping at Bond Street. This is due to an incident on the platform. Neither Central Line nor Jubilee Line trains will stop there." God, you think to yourself, that's quite a suicide. How much mess did it make?

As our train crawled through Bond Street, we could hear a panicky in-station announcement: "Please leave the station now! Can you all just get out now?!"

I have no idea what that was about, but I was glad our train pulled out sharpish. Had it been a month earlier, I would have been paranoid about anthrax or sarin gas or something, but now I just put it down to LU not knowing what's going on.