Tuesday, December 11, 2001

After last week's blip, Dr Terrible's House Of Horrible found its feet last night in in an episode entitled Voodoo Feet Of Death.

Each week's episode is introduced by a creepy bloated, bald monster [whom a certain unnamed blogger last night likened to one of his best friends and my ex]. "Tonight we shall see a dancer who is destined to become... foot loose!"

Set in the 30s, this was like Edward Scissorhands, but with feet. Top dancer Lester Crown - Mr Dance himself - loses both feet in a gory accident:

Lester spies on cheating wife. Climbs roof. Delightfully fake rain. Lester slips from roof. Giant scissors fall on top of him. Snip off both feet at the ankles. Gushing stumps. Severed foot grabbed by dog. The other one too.

Meanwhile, in a dockyard far away, a black harbour worker loses his feet. These are grafted on to Lester's stumps. Lester awakes and lifts back the sheet: "Aargh! You put them the wrong way round!" "No, Lester - you have your legs crossed!"

Doctor: It will be a year before you will be able to walk again
Lester: And how long before I can dance? A year? Two years?
Doctor: You'll just have to take it a step at a time.

Lester is paid a visit by a mysterious black man. "What is your name?" "It's Unimportant." "Oh, hello, Mr Portant." "You have my brother's feet!" "Your brother?" "Yes, Most Important!"

"Your feet will wreak havoc." "My feet?" "Believe me, they will reek!"

In a fit of rage, Lester, driven wild by jealousy and led by his feet - now sprouting two-foot-long toenails - goes to the theatre where his wife and his suspected rival are rehearsing. "Lester, you can stand!" "Only so much, my dear!"

Finally, the transplanted feet caused him to jump off the roof: "My feet are killing me!"

The final voice-over: "You cannot defeat de feet."

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