Eight Go To Vinopolis.
Marcus, Jonathan, Mark, Ian, Dave, Christopher, Stuart and I met up on Saturday afternoon and took a stroll along the river to Vinopolis. Not so much a 'city of wine' as they claim, more a trade fair with dull displays and a huge shop, with only the promise of alcohol at the end of the tour to keep you interested.

Jonathan: "I'm buying more tasting tickets!" "Sir, you can buy them in there once you've used all of those ones." "Yes, but I'm going to buy more now!"

Everyone: "God, this audio guide is crap, isn't it?"

Ian: "You're not going to take this seriously, are you?"

"Where's Ian?" Everyone: "Probably having a drink somewhere."

Anonymous: "Look at this model of the guy on all fours. It looks like me!"

Everyone, on discovering the absinthe: "I'm the green fairy! No, I'm the green fairy!"

Dave gazing wistfully at the posters of Noo Zillun.

Me gazing wistfully at the posters of Cape Town.

Me: "This gewürztraminer from Alsace is lovely."

Dave: "Noo Zillun makes really good gewürztraminers, you know?"

Jonathan: "Should we get more tasting tickets?"

Marcus, in the simulated aeroplane: "Emergency exits are located to the rear and over the wing. Please extinguish your cigarettes and fasten your seat belts."

Christopher: "I'll have the Oxford Landing. It's the only wine I like."

Dave: "Don't you have any Noo Zillun wines?"

Christopher: "Some more Oxford Landing, please."

Jonathan: "Who wants more tasting tickets?"

Me: "I couldn't possibly. Oh, OK then."

Christopher: "Some more Oxford Landing, please."

Dave: "I've lost my glass."

Jonathan: "More tasting tickets, please."

Everyone: "Don't you think you've had enough?"

Me: "It's going to be a long day."

Christopher: "Some more Oxford Landing, please."

Me: "I'll have the Errash - the Errazzhuzzh - the Chilean Cabernet, thanks."

And then to Gordon's Wine Bar, which hasn't changed a bit since I was last there, apart from the addition of another five years of dust and mildew. And then McDonald's. And then The Retro Bar, where we fed the jukebox and frightened off potential customers with our impromptu karaoke.



Then home, and SMS messages:

Jonathan: "Help! I seem to be at the Edward!"

Me: "We've just opened a bottle of champagne!"

Jonathan: "Help! I'm at the Ram Bar, playing pool. I seem to be winning somehow."

Me: "I've just sent Marcus to the shop to get a bottle of wine."