Dandruff. Vile stuff. Scalp slough. White fluff, collar and cuff.

Enough!

Fortunately, I don't suffer from dandruff. Oh, I do go through phases where I have a dry, flaky scalp, but that's not the same thing. Quite the opposite, in fact - dandruff is usually associated with oily scalp and hair. [And how can Head & Shoulders claim to cure both?] My scalp gets overly dry, especially in winter. I can feel it now, getting a bit itchy up there, readying itself to attack in midwinter. I get days where even my eyebrows seem to be shedding. Days where a vigorous rub of the scalp results in a minor dust storm.

But a dry scalp is easy to remedy. A bit of conditioner or moisturiser and the problem goes away. I feel really sorry for blokes who have a bad dandruff problem. And it almost always is blokes. Like the one on the tube this morning; his three-piece suit both pinstriped and speckled. Huge glossy white snowflakes hung in his lank greasy hair.

I wanted to take him aside and say, "Mate, maaaate [in my best Davina McCall] - be sensible. Cut your hair short. Wash it. And stop putting hair oil in it.

"Or at least, I hope that is hair oil."