Friday, May 24, 2002

From today's Sun:
Talibum Alert

MACHO British Marines told yesterday how they had to take rearguard action to fight off randy gay Afghan men. Troops were shocked when they were targeted by frisky fellas wearing PINK LIPSTICK, NAIL POLISH and PERFUME. The hunky soldiers were hotly pursued by the horny hordes in mountain villages.

Lance Corporal Paul Richards, 20, from Barnsley, South Yorks, said: “It was hell. Every village we went into we got a group of gay men wearing full make-up coming up, stroking our hair and cheeks and making kissing noises. Some of the guys turned tail and fled. It was hideous.”

“We were pretty shocked. The Afghan soldiers with us said a lot of men in this country have the same philosophy as Ancient Greeks: ‘A woman for babies, a man for pleasure’.”

They were told by Afghan soldiers that some villagers had never seen a western man before — and thought the muscle-bound marines were very hunky.

Whisky Company commander Major Phil Joyce said Afghan villagers had also dreamt up a cheeky get-rich-quick scam. He said: “Every time we landed by Chinook near a village, some bloke said his goat was blown off the mountain by the helicopter and demanded 100 dollars compensation. “They also claim that their fruit trees have been destroyed and want 500 dollars a tree.
“I managed to barter the last one down to two Marine pens, a pencil and a rubber.”

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