And then there were the gymnasts, muscles knotted, shuddering, straining to hold unlikely positions, faces contorted in painpleasureagony. I don't want no dissension, just dynamic tension, I'm a muscle fan.
Sadly, the Barcelona event has none of these. But it does have the sprinters, and the BBC's fetishistic full-frontal slow-motion replays. The miracle shorts the runners wear - tight, yet loose enough to allow for motion. Pendulous motion. A-flop-flop-flop-flop. The material so thin you can tell the runner's nationality. Shorts. And sports. I'll be sniffing bits of rayon before you can say "Ah, I get it now!"
There's a whole week of this lined up. In just seven days. Oh baby...!"