The rockstar game has been stable for a while, and my popstar - Mickey Moist - is rocketing up the charts and is currently ranked a stratospheric 1353 on the charts.

It took me a while to realise that the key to rockstar game is practise, practise, practise. It's quite self-evident really - there's no point releasing singles and albums if you are crap.

The frustrating part comes when you have to think up names for your albums and songs. I get my inspiration either from how I'm feeling [hence the titles "Overslept"; "Pulling A Sickie"; "Leave Me Alone"; and "Annoying Bald Git"] or by thinking up dreadful puns on real song titles ["Healthier, Happier, Hornier"; "Peas Please Me"; "My Achey Breaky Knees"; "Can't Get You Off Of My Head"; and "Warm Flannelette"].

My latest album, "May Day" [I think you can guess when I thought that one up] has sold over 66 million copies; far far more than my previous two: "Very Disco Actually" and "Picking My Teeth With A Ten Pound Note".

Worryingly, Iain is rapidly catching up to me. Interestingly, his current single includes a track called "Foursome" - I wonder what inspired that? Why not take us both on? Sign up for the rockstar game now.