On the whole, I like the guy who sits next to me at work. But he keeps up a constant barrage of grunts, sighs, yawns, snatches of songs, mutterings and mumblings. I can ignore most of the noise, but he also has a truly annoying habit of telling me things I just do not give a shit about, okay?

This is a transcript of the last ten minutes:

"I crashed. David, my machine just crashed." [and?]

"Mmmmm. Hmmmmm. Pssshaw. Waaaah!"

"They want this to be blue, but I think red would look better. What do you think?"
"What is it? I don't know. Whatever."
"Yeah, you're right, blue would be better."

"Fly me to the moon! And let me play! Among! The stars!"

"You know Sarah James?"
[ignore him]
"You know Sarah James?"
"No"
"Yes, you do, the manager in finance."
"No. I don't deal with finance."
"You know her, small girl, always wears blue. Walks around like she owns the place."
"No."
"Anyway, she...." [insert lengthy bit of irrelevant gossip about someone I've never heard of]

"Grooooan! Hmmmmm. Hmmmmm. HMMMMMM!"

"One hundred. One hundred." [louder still] "A hundred."
"A hundred what?"
"Huh? Oh, did I say that aloud?"
[ignore him]
"A hundred!"

"Buttons! Buttons! Buttons!"

"Better call the wife. Hmmmmm... Siiiiiiggghhh!" [imitates ringing phone]

"I've got lovely sweaty armpits."