[mobile phone]: "Ring-ring. Ring-ring."
[me]: "Hello?"
[him]: "Hi, it's Billy."
[my brain]: who? i don't know anyone called Billy.
[me]: "Hi, Billy."
[him]: "How are you?"
[me]: "Er, I'm fine. How are you?"
[him]: "Pretty good. What are you up to?"
[me]: "Absolutely nothing."
[him]: "What? Are you not working these days?"
[me]: "No. Well, I'm freelance these days, so I work from home."
[him]: "Oh, that's nice."
[me]: "And, um, how about you?"
[him]: "Oh, nothing. Just trying to sort out my new flat."
[me]: "Your new...? Look, I don't mean to be rude, but who are you?"
[him]: "Billy."
[me]: "Billy....?"
[him]: "Scottish Billy."
[me]: "Yes, I can tell that. But how do I know you?"
[him]: "Well, I used to work in The Cock Tavern."
[me]: "Hmm... I only went there once or twice. Did you used to run the place with your boyfriend?"
[him]: "No, not those two."
[me]: "They were Scottish as well, though."
[him]: "Yeah, they were. Look, I'll be honest. I found your number in an old phone and thought I'd give it a try."
[me]: "We must have swapped numbers at some stage."
[him]: "Yeah, must have been a good few years ago."
[me]: "Don't know where or when though. Hey, we might have shagged!"
[him]: "Yeah, that's always possible."
[me]: "Well, I'm sure you were very good, but I've got no idea who you are. Sorry."
[him]: "OK, not to worry."
[me]: "Bye."
[him]: "Bye."
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