"You really need a haircut," Marcus said to me on Saturday, "you're starting to look like Liza Minnelli."

I have just spent the last half hour grafting my face onto Liza's body*, with her hair [or wig], but the results are so scary, I deleted them immediately. I am happy - yet a little surprised - to say I do not make a pretty woman.

*Using Photoshop, not advanced surgical procedures.