OK, so I've been to the hospital. Now, how am I supposed to shit into these little tubes?

Ah, that'll be what the disposable kidney-shaped bowls are for. [Of course they're disposable - what am I gonna do? Serve hummus in 'em at my next dinner party?] So it's a case of squirt into the bowl, then use the little spatula attached to the tube's lid to scrape the fecal matter [or spatter] into the tube. Laahvly.

I'm taking Sarah's advice and theming my blog - expect even more shit in the days to come. In tomorrow's fashion supplement: tan is the new brown. In Thursday's interiors feature, we take a look at pebbledashed bathrooms. In Friday's Review: an alternative take on Frankie Says Relax.