Dear Master Baker at Roni's Bagel Bakery and Patisserie, West End Lane, West Hampstead:
I was under the impression that a Cornish pasty traditionally contains small cubes of beef, with potato, onion and turnip or carrot.
Surely it shouldn't simply contain glutinous mashed potato vaguely coloured with tiny shreds of mystery meat? Does the pastry really have to be so thick and stodgy that it takes three bites to reach the wallpaper paste filling? And is it absolutely necessary for the customer to specifically request that it be warmed up? Oh, and finally, when you do warm it up, are you sure it is traditional to serve it warm on the outside, and ice cold inside?