Guilty pleasures - things I really shouldn't like, but do:
Oh, I love everything about this programme. Lovely, lovely, smiley Carol Smillie. The ludicrous designs. The shoddy workmanship. The speeded up bit at the end. The tearful reactions. Oh, and I quite like the banter between Alan and the big bloke on Home Front, too. I'm sorry.
I love the new preamble they've introduced, where Robert Kilroy-Silk proves what a dreadful actor he is - two phrases, one with a descending inflection and a frown, the second with an outraged ascending inflection and a hammy look of amazement: "Your husband has left you? For a younger woman??" I love the way his audience is 90% female, all shouting over each other, while the blokes are silent and terrified and obedient. I love Kilroy's ignorant questions, proving he hasn't been listening to what the poor woman has been saying: "And then he left me and I felt awful." "How did you feel?" "I felt awful." "Yes, but tell us how you felt." "I felt awful, just awful."
S Club 7
Not the band members, but the songs. Reach! is a classic. And Don't Stop Moving. Oh, and just about all of their singles really. Light, summery fluff with brilliant hooks.
The Never-Ending Story
The film, not the song [although...]. Makes me cry every time. [And we're talking a lot of times.]
If there's a major tournament on telly, I can watch it all day. It's so exciting. No, really.
Things you'd imagine I would like, but don't:
I don't own any porn; have never owned any porn; have no interest in porn. Oh, I've caught the odd - snatch - generally in places like the Shoreditch Health Club or its Limehouse branch, but only as a means to snaring the real thing. My ex once proudly showed me the film he had bought at great cost - a bunch of German gay men with shaved heads running around the woods, pretending to be soldiers. I thought it was brilliant, the best comedy I'd seen in years.
Taking it up the jacksie
It hurts. And, yes, I have heard the one about "yes, but you've just never met anyone who knows how to do it properly."
It's not. It's tired and lame and cliched and predictable and not as funny as it thinks it is. Not just the latest series either - I always thought it was over-hyped and over-rated.
Fruit and vegetables and going to the gym and generally leading a healthy life
What's that all about, then?