And so the Kylie-Posh battle for number one turns out to be a Kylie-DJ Otzi-Alien Ant Farm-Bob The Builder-Shaggy battle, with Mrs Beckham nowhere to be seen in the top five. But that's all right, because "the media like to make out there's some kind of battle between us, but all I want to do is get my music out there". So I'm sure she's not sulking today, then.

She must hate Rob Davis: he co-wrote Kylie's "I Can't Get You Out Of My Head" and also co-wrote Spiller's "Groovejet" which beat her to number one last summer. Moody cow!

This just in: Kylie: the new face of Eurostar.

I'd just like to say right here that I am not a fan of Ms Minogue. No, really, I'm not. Let's just say I've been exposed to her rather a lot in the last couple of weeks and it's rubbing off.