Marcus was spectacularly drunk on Saturday. How drunk? This drunk:

We left Sports And Shorts, and weaved our way to Victoria bus station, Marcus barely dodging several stationary vehicles. We joined the queue for the night bus, with me holding on to the back of his trousers to prevent him from falling into oncoming traffic. He was so unsteady, so cute, that I couldn't resist giving him a quick peck on the lips. The seven-foot bloke next to me said: "Oi! You don't want to be doing that mate; he's a bloke."

Marcus slurred: "Yeah, but it's OK, cuz we're faggots!"

The big bloke was taken aback, and mumbled, "Is it nature or nurture?"

"Huh, izzit what?"

"Is it nature or nurture, do you think?"

Marcus replied: "Neither. We just crave dick. The way you crave pussy, we crave dick!"

With that, I whisked Marcus off: "Ha ha, let's get a cab, shall we?"