Just a quick note to say I'm in London, but I'm pretending I'm in Italy. That's a bit hard with this weather, but I'm planning to do the stuff I would have done had I made my flight: I'm visiting museums and churches and eating out. [Somehow, however, I doubt that the spaghetti bolognaise at Ellie's Cafe on Kilburn High Road is typically Bolognese.] I'm about to head off to South Kensington. We might not have fountains with women shooting water out of their tits, but the Albert memorial is pretty bloody fab, and there's a retrospective of Italy's favourite son, Gianni Versace, at the V&A.