SMS exchange during tonight's Reborn In The USA:

David: Vote Elkie.
Pano: Pearl's a minger.
David: She stands up, when she sprays the urinal.
Pano: In a nightclub.

I promised myself I wouldn't get caught up in Reborn In The USA, but tonight's vote between Elkie Brooks and Gina G is, in its own tiny way, a battle between Talent and Tat.

In the red corner: Elkie Brooks. While Gina G's brief UK career started in 1996 with the Eurovison Song Contest, Elkie's began over 30 years earlier when she participated in the British Song Contest in 1965. She later joined rock/blues band Vinegar Joe, where she shared vocal duties with Robert Palmer - but don't hold that against her. Elkie had to wait till 1977 for her first solo hit - the brilliant "Pearl's A Singer", as massacred by drag queens everywhere. Oh, and you know that song "[I wanna see the] Sunshine after The Rain" that was a club hit for Berri in the mid-90's? Well, that was a top ten hit for Elkie twenty years earlier. Look, the woman's paid her dues, OK? And, get this, her real name is Elaine Bookbinder. What more can you want? Vote Elkie. Phone 09011 155 402 or text ELKIE to 83200.

In the blue corner: Gina G. I rest my handbag.