-----Original Message-----
>From : Robyn Wilder
To : davidsim@another.com
Date : 14 June 2001 19:33:26
Subject : Please please please
Don't let it be that atrocity that Gloria Hunniford hosts.
>
>Please. David. No.
>
>Robyn..
>http://orbyn.com

Gloria Hunniford?
I'm afraid so.
I hang my head in shame.
Well, you see, Marc Almond was on. And as you may know, I'm a huge fan. But, honest, I'd never seen Open House before, and had no idea who Gloria Hunniford even was. I do now! Actually, although the show is a load of brain-numbing tosh aimed at the blue-rinse brigade, Ms Hunnniford herself was a consummate pro. And she was wearing a lovely long beige polyester coat. The show started late, so we were subjected to the worst warm-up stand-up throw-up on earth. The audience were all die-hard Marc fanatics, refusing to raise even the ghost of a smile.

And what a fascinating line-up: first we heard from the Richardson family of Southport, who were embarrassed by the way Dad dresses, so we met Dad, and he went off with a "celebrity" hairdresser (Trevor someone - Sorbet??). Then we saw the finalists in a photograph of the year thing. Then Marc came on, looking gorgeous - Ms Hunniford's make-up artists clearly know a thing or two about glamourising ageing stars - and did his "I took loads of drugs and went through hell, ruined my health, destroyed my career, but now I'm back" thing, and he and Gloria compared their peroxide jobs, and then he sang his new single in the conservatory. Then, joy of joys, Mr Richardson came back unrecognisable after his make-over, in his beige polyester suit and with his eyebrows and nose-hairs trimmed. And was reunited with his daughter he hasn't seen in ages. We whooped and cheered. In an ironic stylee, obviously.

Oh, and as we were leaving the TV studio, Jonathan bit into a prop biscuit and almost broke his teeth.