Ida Barr. Remember that name - you're going to be hearing it a lot round here. Ida is the latest incarnation of comedian Chris Green - probably best known for his country-and-western alter-ego Tina C.

Ida Barr is a creation of jaw-droppingly-inspired genius. She is a down-on-her-luck faded music-hall star who has had to return to the stage to supplement her pension. Ms Barr wears all the trappings of Marie Lloyd - a pink satin Edwardian dress with a bustle, a bedraggled ostrich feather in her hair, and lame jokes told in an asthmatic cockney accent that even Dick van Dyke would have sneered at. In an attempt to update her act for a younger audience, Ida has turned to young people's music - gangsta rap.

Her performance at Duckie Up West on Friday night included two Missy Elliott songs: She's A Bitch, about putting her little doggie out to stud to make a few extra coppers; and Missy's latest single about a pensioner's day-trip: Get Ur Coat On.

The show's moment of true genius came at the end: Ida divided the crowd into three parts. Over a stuttering Timbaland beat, she started the first section off singing "Underneath the aaaarches, I dreamed my life awa-ay". The second group chimed in with a line from I've Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts - "Roll-a-roll-a-ball, a penny a pitch". I don't know what the third section were taught to sing, as I was concentrating on rolling my balls, but Ida finally added an anthemic "as long as he needs me" over the mix.

Sheer genius.