I seem to have agreed to accompany Andy to something called "Sports And Shorts" tonight. This is a club for men who are into sportswear. Now, this is just so not me. I have to wonder just what it is about the sportswear fetish. I can understand guys fancying sportsmen - lord knows we all bought the David Beckham issue of Arena Homme. But as to actually wearing the stuff... I don't own anything that could even vaguely be described as sportswear. I don't do shorts - I don't exactly have rugby player's thighs. I am your classic ectomorph.

I have never played a team sport in my life. When we played soccer at school, I always edged away from the ball. If the game looked like it was moving into my part of the field, I'd always be found on the other side. Same goes for cricket - it's amazing how I always seemed to be able to predict which way the ball was going to go, and then sidle off in the opposite direction. I was always the last one picked for teams. And we won't even discuss the showers.

These scars have lasted a lifetime. Forcing me into a footie kit would surely bring back the pain, the humiliation. But at least these days, I feel more confident that I wouldn't be the last one picked, and I might actually look forward to the showers.