Most mornings, I go down to the canteen and order a bacon roll. Our canteen has two "dinner ladies" with very different ideas of portion control. They are like Jack Spratt and his wife; or in this case, sister. If you ask one of them for a bacon roll, you get a huge, fat thing stuffed with half a pig. Ask the other, however, and you get two measly pallid rashers with so much brown sauce you'll have heartburn all day. An obvious solution would be to say "oh, hang on, I haven't made my mind up yet" if the scrimping one serves you, but here's the dilemma: they are identical twins.