I'm off work ill, but I just had to come down to an internet cafe to check my mail, read my favourite blogs, and - of course - edit mine. Actually, I just had to get out of the house. There's only so much daytime TV a man can watch. I've had quite enough of Kilroy and Trisha. And, having watched This Morning, I know what "colourways" to use in a bridal bouquet should I ever have a wedding whose theme is royal blue and silver. No wonder I feel ill - I could just feel my life-forces draining away.

So here I am in an internet cafe on Cricklewood Broadway. An internet cafe which according the sign on the window offers "The Most Fast Internet In The UK". I don't know about that, but it certainly offers The Most Grubby Keyboard In The UK. Lord knows what other germs I may be picking up from it. Still, at least it doesn't matter that my nose has dripped onto it several times!