Some one-liners from Steven Wright, appearing at the Dominion Theatre this Sunday:
I have an inferiority complex. But it's not a very good one.
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
What happens if you put a slinky on an escalator?
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"