On the tube on Friday evening, a group of young Australians were sitting opposite me. Two of the girls came and sat next to me:
"Are those real," one fo the girls asked, pointing at my earrings, "or clip-ons?"
"Of course they're real," I replied.
"Do you have any other piercings?"
"I might have..."
"How many? I guess four."
"You could be right," I said mysteriously.
"Where are they?" she asked, all excited: "I bet you've got your nipples pierced."
"Well, maybe, but only the one."
"Your belly-button?"
"No, I don't have my belly-button pierced."
"So where are the other three? You mean you have three piercings in your....?"
"Oh look! It's Camden Town. Gotta get off here!"

The truth is, I don't have any piercings apart from the two holes in each of my ear lobes, and I've had those since 1988. Before you ask, no I don't have any tattoos either.