The London Underground system is a vast, complex network and we shouldn't be surprised when it goes wrong. Surprised, no, but bloody annoyed. I spent this weekend at Marcus's place in Oval. My journey to work involves a Northern Line (Charing Cross branch) train followed by a Jubilee Line one. Simple, no?

No.

When I got to Oval, I couldn't get onto the platform as there were hundreds of people there waiting for a not-in-service train to pull out. Then we played The Misleading Indicator a farce in four parts starring a bewildered announcer. "Via Bank," said the indicator; "via Bank," said the front of the train; "via Charing Cross," said the announcer. The crowds surged forward. I played a waiting game. The next train was - according to the indicator - a Charing Cross one, but when it arrived the announcer told us it was for Bank. Another train arrived. Both indicator and announcer agreed it was a Charing Cross one, so I got on. They were both wrong.

After a seven-minute wait at Kennington and telling a pushy woman to fuck off, I got on the right train and alighted at the very next station - Waterloo - sure my troubles were behind me.

No.

"Due to an earlier defective train at North Greenwich, delays are occurring to all destinations on the Jubilee Line." The platforms on the new Jubilee Line extension stations are very wide. This is a good thing, as a lot of people can cram onto one during a 13-minute wait for the next train.

I guess I should apologise to the people I snarled at, the people I bashed in the shin with my heavy weekend-at-the-boyfriend bag, and the man I fell on top of as the train lurched out of Westminster.