Oh, what fun you can have in an office of Mac users when they're all out at the pub. I wasn't able to join them, as I've got too much work to do.

We have fancy G4 machines with a 'spoken alerts' facility. When you do something wrong, or your system is about to crash, it can speak to you instead of just having an alert box pop up. It comes with standard phrases like "Alert!", "Oh my!" and "It's not my fault!"

I've just discovered that you can add your own phrases - simply type them in, and the computer-synthesised voice will read them out. So I've spent my lunch hour running round to everyone's computer and typing in silly messages: "Richard Johnson is drunk!"; "Shirley Cavanas is going bananass"; "Donald McIntosh is looking at porn on his computer!"

I've turned their speakers way up. Now, about that work I'm meant to be doing...! "Quit blogging when you're meant to be working!"