Our friend Guy has a well-earned reputation for falling off podiums and stages when off his face. Last night, I fell onto the stage at the Artful Dodger. This was after several magnums of bubbly, and after we'd scared off all the other diners in the Vietnamese restaurant which used to be a public toilet with our male voice choir renditions of Dusty Springfield songs. Yes, the evening was as good as it sounds!

But it has left me with a world-class hangover, and three bloody gashes in my shin. I don't know which is more crippling.